How far

I wonder at times
If I ever will be
Even a bit like the woman
In Proverbs 31

I feel I fail
In a huge way
To the detriment
Of my loved ones

Lord, have mercy
For the sake of my husband
And my children
Change me...

How far I have yet to go
In making my home
A haven for him
A place of learning for them

A place where you truly dwell

Death
Monday, March 15, 2010 at 11:50 am (Philippine Time), my Lola Pen passed away. Her death was unexpected in that she hadn't been sick enough to be hospitalized but her age, she was 90+ already, made even the simplest ailments dangerous. Her death brought with it a lot of regrets for me. Most of which I could sum up by saying, "I wish I had spent more time with her than I did." Being unable to attend her funeral makes me feel even more sorrowful. Yes Lola Pen, forgive me for not being there. Thank you for being the best lola in the world. I wish I could have been a better apo to you. I love you.

I fl lyk I'm the worst mom ever. I can't blame not having enough time to do the thing I still struggle over with my 16 month old since I'm home all day. Until now, for 16 months I have not taught my daughter how to sleep on her own and to sleep through the night. That's enough time for most mothers even those holding down a job,but not me. Sigh.

Random Thoughts

Putting Therese to bed is prime time for thinking. Depending on my emotional state, my thoughts range from whimsical to practical, from uttered prayers to silent rants, and from despondent recollections to hopeful imaginings.
Right now, for example, I was going through the various actions I would do once I have extricated myself from a slumbering Therese's embrace. That led me to thinking, I should cherish this moment when Therese still needs and wants me close. Soon enough this too shall pass. I now remember that today is All Soul's Day and that today is an ideal day to pray for my loved ones who have died. Eternal rest grant unto them,O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon them. Amen.
I wonder what it feels like to die....I pray I'd be prepared to face you,O God when my time comes. I pray that I would hear you say, "well done, my good and faithful servant. Come and enter into the joy of your Lord!"

First steps! 9/10/09

My baby took her first unassisted steps this afternoon!
I think she was quite unaware of her accomplishment since she was engrossed with the toy I had strapped around her wrist. I asked her to help me push a box full of her toys to the room. The box was a few inches beyond her reach so she took 3 steps forward to reach it. Sigh. Soon she'll be running around. Time does fly...

Mini things to celebrate

As the days go by Therese seems to be growing in leaps and bounds. Last week, for example, she started to plunk wet, open mouthed kisses on me and some people she's familiar with like her ninang Karen and her papa. What was new was that she'd do this when you asked her to. Also last week, she started standing up on her own without having to hold onto anything. We found her reveling in this new skill one morning. She kept standing up and going back down to a squatting pose, chortling in delight and with her arms raised up over her head or out on her side to help with her balance. Last week, too, she started opening and closing her fingers in her own version of waving good bye.

I was reminded quite suddenly of how tall she has become because I saw her pull herself up onto the futon to reach my guitar. That was quite a fright for me! She has also learned to head down feet first. Therese has quite a sense of humor, as well. She has taken to teasing me with a look before doing something she knew I had told her not to do. Today she has learned to blow me kisses. Ah, sweet rewards of motherhood.

Time well spent

Today was a good day to be out of the house. Temperatures in San Jose rose to around 98 degrees fahrenheit and maybe a 100 degrees fahrenheit in Pleasanton where Junby, Therese and I spent the whole afternoon.

The Galvez family were gracious enough to babysit for us while Junby and I had our date. We opted to try something other than our usual movie or eating at a restaurant date. We had a picnic at one of the parks in Pleasanton. We spread a blanket under a tree, had some sandwiches I had prepared and generally just relaxed and chatted. What was great about it was that we had the park to ourselves, there was enough breeze to make it pleasant despite the heat, and I realized anew that I liked my husband's company. That might seem like a strange thing to say, given that we are married to each other but I have seen enough marriages here where the spouses seem to hold the other in contempt to appreciate what Junby and I have.

After about 2 hours of just hanging out, we decided to check out a Catholic bookstore, Glad Tidings. As expected we left that store laden with several books to add to our collection. I now have several new books lined up to be read. We next went to Trader Joe's to get maple syrup and other organic goodies. Before heading back to pick up Therese we indulged in some frozen yogurt at Blush in Dublin. We only found the place by texting google for the address. Isn't that cool? All in all it was a great day. Thank you Lord.